is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
