You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
