I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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