I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
