he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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