just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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