Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize