this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
