Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
