like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
