She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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