and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
