If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
