I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
