i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
