im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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