I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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