I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
