This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
