You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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