someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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