It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize