She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
