dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
