Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
