Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
