matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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