the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
