Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
