Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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