i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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