im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
