You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
