i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize