I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
