I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
