Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
