I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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