I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
