Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
