you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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