i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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