I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
