Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
