I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
