dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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