He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
