Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As shirtless as possible
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize