party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
