Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just pee around me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
