We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
