Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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