We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's a Shit stain on my heart
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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