Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize