how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
