i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
