the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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