And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize