everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
