My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
