I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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