i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
