I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
be right there i have to get my cape
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
