the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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