i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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