I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
