I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
