I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
