my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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