I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
