dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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