I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
