Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
