So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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