two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
