so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
